Scarrz's blog

Older Men (Part:2)

Scarrz — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 06:47:11 GMT

[ Mood: Angry ]
So I spent some more time with the handyman yesterday (he does have a name, I�m just not sharing it), did the usual, smoked weed, watched TV, had a few of his friends come over (one of which seems to act a bit funny around me). I couldn�t believe it when the handyman said he actually liked my chemical burns, and that he is/used to be a cutter as well. I mean, the one thing I�ve always been mostly worried about is if a guy found my scars revolting, but he doesn�t. I�ll admit it isn�t the perfect match, but I think I may be actually falling for him a little. Anyway my grandmother gave me a 10:00pm curfew, I came back, I ran upstairs, grabbed my keys, and ran back out, of course my grandmother had to go and get her friend�s fianc� who lives next door to come and collect me, even though the guy doesn�t even know my name (Abbey!? That�s not my name!). The handyman took me back anyway, then the minute I got in the doorway my grandmother calls me into the living room and says I CAN�T see the handyman anymore, so I ran back out, had a quick five minute walk to clear my head, and went straight to bed when I got back home. I�ve left her a note. There is no way I�m going to continue being a hermit, she complains when I don�t leave the house, then she complains when I do, she can forget it, she can�t decide who I can and can�t see. I�ve been legally allowed to live on my own since the age of sixteen, not to mention I pay my own bills, when my sponger mother doesn�t contribute anything but paint splatters on the floor. How dare she, I�m not going to let her ruin this for me, guys like him are rare, and she�s not going to stop me from seeing him. It�s my innocence, and I�ll do what the hell I want with it. I'm seeing him again this afternoon, I just hope she hasn't stirred some trouble during the night... If she has I will NEVER forgive her, and that is a promise.

Can't eat at the moment, my second tongue piercing is swollen and hurts like hell to even touch it. I can't wait until it's healed, I'm starving!

Anyway, I need to watch some TV.

Shanti.

Older Men

Scarrz — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 02:42:32 GMT

[ Mood: Confused ]
On Thursday I first met the handyman, there�s no men in our family, so we kind of need one. Anyway we got on quite well, because we both like and have body piercings. Wasn�t sure if he was flirting with me with some of the things he was saying, but oh well. So yeah I�ll admit I became quite attracted to him, and yeah... He�s forty one years of age. On Saturday he came back over and I went back to his (nothing like that!), watched some TV, smoked some weed, he bought me some lager (even though he doesn�t personally drink), and we went around in his friend�s Mrs� car trying to find some more weed. I�m supposed to be seeing him this afternoon, so we�ll see how that goes.

I suppose the thing which is bothering me most, and not allowing me to get my usual amount of sleep and food, is that I honestly don�t know if he�s actually attracted to me like that. He�s genuinely a nice guy, generous, knows everyone, and seems to even be on speaking terms with an old enemy of mine. He uses a lot of innuendo, picked me up at one point, patted me on the a*se a few times, and I think he may have even stroked my face before I left, then again does he treat all females like this? I mean that old enemy of mine was looking at him with lusting eyes for long enough (he�s not much of a Johnny Depp either). Anyway I know it�s best not to put any emotion into this �relationship�, either he isn�t interested, or he charms every girl into bed (including my old enemies), so I doubt I�m anything special in that case. Ah well he gets me out the house, gets me weed, and he might be able to get me a body piercing job, so obviously I�ll keep it at a friendship level, and not make a fool out of myself by trying to come on to him or anything. Even though I really don�t think I�d be able to say no if he actually propositioned me.

Anyway, I should get some more sleep.

Shanti.

Life, Kratom, & Peppers

Scarrz — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 02:31:08 GMT

My mother is redecorating the bathroom, everywhere she goes she has to start redecorating their home, regardless of the fact that they want it done or not. One xmas she was in the middle of decorating my bedroom to her liking, and do you know what she bought her twelve year old child for xmas? A lampshade, nothing else, just a lampshade. I hate it when there�s paint everywhere.

My grandmother sent my housing application in today, I used the fact that we didn�t get along, so hopefully I�ll get put on the register. She also bought me some cigarette papers for my �herbs� (kratom actually, but she�s got a grudge against it, after she found out I was using it a few years ago). I must say though kratom is better smoked, burns well regardless of how badly I roll, it�s a very smooth smoke, and it doesn�t make me vomit like the tea did, although I still get a mild hangover when I wake up regardless of how little I have (we�re talking one joint here). I originally bought the kratom for a hookah, unfortunately on the odd occasion I did get the coal to light it didn�t do anything to the herbs, not to mention that the water keeps on leaking out of it. Ah well what does one expect when they can�t even get a bottle bong to work.

I�ve been bad� I bought myself three films off Amazon, all under �3, and all the usual B-movie horrors I buy. I told my grandmother to take out �50 from what I owe her anyway, so hopefully that will keep her sweet if she finds out about the films.

Ate some more bell peppers and organic cherry tomatoes yesterday, as I will today. Tried them in a tortilla wrap, I couldn�t fold it properly, and it kept on breaking up anyway (bad quality), so it was a messy eat, but a tasty one. Added some Branston mayo with a twist of lime & chilli, very nice salad cream, if not my favourite.

Also I�m attempting to grow a bell pepper plant using the seeds I scooped out of my green pepper, not sure if it will work, but it�s worth a try. If it does work I know what to do with the future seeds I get, I can save money (seeing that peppers are now my main food group), and allow the seeds to germinate. Oh the optimism�

Anyway, I must go and make breakfast.

Shanti.

Diet

Scarrz — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 04:33:13 GMT

Started my new diet today, I�m not overweight, I just don�t condone murder.

I�ve done lacto-ovo vegetarianism, veganism, raw veganism (not in that order), and now I�m following my own diet, lacto-ovo fruitarianism. For breakfast I had organic scrambled egg (that includes the milk), mixed with green, yellow, red, and orange bell peppers, and organic cherry tomatoes on a piece of white toast spread with Vitalite. For a sauce I used Heinz tomato ketchup with a twist of mild chilli, and for a drink I had a glass of pure orange juice (yes, the carton stuff). Filled me up quite nicely, so no complaints there.

Decided to look in the freezer to double check the suitability of my microwavable Chicago Town pizzas (after realising I can�t have classic Heinz tomato ketchup because of it�s celery content), and bad news for me the pizzas happen to contain garlic powder, which means I basically spent just under a fiver (25% of my food money) on something I won�t eat. They make a nice snack, so yes I�m disappointed about that.

It�s Monday and I don�t have any post to look forward to, and I won�t for the next few months (debt). Which is a shame, because I do look forward to receiving those padded envelopes. A mild online shopping addiction? Perhaps.

Not much to do today, finish my housing application form, which is probably a pointless endeavour because I haven�t got a child, an abusive husband, a home that�s falling apart, a physical/mental handicap, a psychiatrist, HIV, a drug addiction, nor am I homeless. I can�t even use racial harassment. My excuse? I�m seventeen years of age and my grandmother wants me out. Suppose I could say we really don�t get along, and that there�s a lot of tension, that might hopefully get me on to band D at least. Not that it�s too far from the truth.

Anyway, I must go and cleanse my temple.

Shanti.